[17 Nov 2006|06:04pm] you've taken my breathe away for the very last time never again will my lungs be left unsatisfied on account of you let's get this straight, you had it all how many lives can i possibly offer before it's enough? you know that i risked it all for you i screamed through the fog at 100 miles an hour i thought i had found my way home how am i to make a wish when all the stars have all burned out? you always told me that they would be mine one day. don't tell me that this doesn't hurt you i need you to feel the same as i do you know i'm the only one equipped to break you so why am i feeling so cold? we're out there all alone, if only you'd find it in yourself to give it all up we're on a collision course with certain failure but i promised that i wouldn't let you down it's so dark out tonight, you painted it all black. i'll take this to my grave. so throw me overboard, as if you ever needed me anyway tie the anchor around my ankles, i'm better off at the bottom of all this there's nothing left to say, so seal your heart off and watch me fade away. 1 comment|post comment

[02 Aug 2006|09:43am] one thing i truly hate about myself is that i always ask "what if". and then it gets me thinking and then i get worried and nervous for reasons unknown. not good. post comment

[06 Jun 2006|12:11am] My life is a god damn roller coaster right now, I can have the most perfect day and then next thing I know I am laying in my bed crying, How does one get to be so sad? I have a perfectly great life full of amazing people who surround me. I can't even begin to explain how much I have realized that I have less of a smile on my face these days, I notice I am mean, and I have some sort of strong hate towards anything. It seems as if I cannot go a day without wanting to just spit in someones face for looking at me thr wrong way, I honestly hope this is some sort of phase. Who wants a friend thats so hateful you know? I dont think it shows off to most of my friends, but inside I can feel it burning up, this incredible disgust of hate inside of me. Maybe its just myself growing up, starting to realize each and every day that the more you give in to people the more they take and dont give back. I dont ask for much, just straight up honesty, and when somebody worrys to much about how their honesty might hurt my feelings it leads to them beating around the bush about some ridiculous reason which also leads to lies. Stop caring about my feelings. post comment

sometimes [22 May 2006|08:34pm] I get these really strange feelings when I'm driving at night by myself. I just stare at the car in front of me until every thing's a blur and just drive with my friend the stereo and let it just take me. I don't pay attention to anything but for some reason my mind knows when to stop when the other car stops and turn when I need to turn. God, it's so strange. post comment

[21 May 2006|10:18pm] [ mood | depressed ] Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs. Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit. post comment

[26 Apr 2006|09:09pm] i know i love my boyfriend with every fiber of my being. but i know there's a voice in the back of my head saying "what if?" i'm losing it as summer is coming...yup. it was nice to talk to him</b> post comment

[18 Apr 2006|12:16am] [ mood | exhausted ] things are going okay right now. i got declined from mass bay's x-ray tech program, but i kinda had a feeling that would happen because i applied sorta late, but i sent in the form saying that i want my application in for the 2007 program. so hopefully i'll get into that one seeing i sent that out the day i got it.ha. desperate? yeah kinda. things with me and the boy are going good. i've been like insane on the emotional scale lately though and i feel kinda bad about it. idk, i've been just stressing out about the future. he talks about getting an apartment sometime in like november and december and i'm all like oh okay yeah okay hunny. i'm not the type of girl to think about the future like that. i mean its really nice that he thinks that we're going to be together that long, i love him to death...but the future freaks me out. oh and like tonight he was like "oh i can't wait for december 2009 and june 2010" and i'm like "WOAH WHATS HAPPENING THEN!" and he's like "oh you'll find out when it happens"...and wellllllll i figured it out. thats when he thinks we'll be ready to get married.my heart almost stopped. like i said i love him to death, but i am not one to think about the future. like neither of us knows what is going to happen in the next 3 years..i mean i certainly don't at all. i can't even figure out what socks to wear on most days let alone going to plan my future already. i mean yes, i bet in november or december of this year we will be ready to move in with each MAYBE, i mean we'll have been dating for a year and so many months...i would say thats long enough..right? i don't know. i really don't. maybe i don't in a way because it seems like everyone else in my family (cousins and brothers and such) have all gone to one college and graduated from there and are like working in a good job with a great education, like my brother goes to WPI, my cousin went to harvard, my cousin is going to BU...it just seems that i've completely wasted my life on hopping from one school to the next not knowing where my life is going. i feel like i've kinda been a dissapointment to all of them. its just craziness. i'm so fucking broke too. ugh..i need money like you wouldn't believe. i just placed an offer for DMB tickets for vance's birthday present...fucking 350 bucks! like yes it'll be a sweet show, but like thats like all the money i have right now. ha. i'm so fucked. but yeah. life's okay. i'm still breathing aren't i? 1 comment|post comment

[08 Apr 2006|11:53am] You Belong in Barcelona When it comes to Europe, you don't want to decide between culture and fun. You want art by day and a big party by night. Barcelona is ideal for you. You can check out some Picasso, eat some tapas, take a siesta, and then dance all night! What European City Do You Belong In? ugh this makes me want to go back so badly. i loved this city. i missssssssss it. post comment

[29 Mar 2006|09:12pm] i feel like my life is falling apart. oh wait..it is! 2 comments|post comment

[15 Mar 2006|02:57pm] my best friend died today at 12:34. i don't know what to do, or to think right now. the shock that he's gone hasn't set in yet i'm kind of still in denial that he's gone. this weekend isn't going to be good. 2 comments|post comment

[06 Mar 2006|05:41pm] i don't know what it is right now but i feel like as small as a mouse. and that i really don't want to be alive right now. yeah i know poor baby. oh well. post comment

[04 Mar 2006|11:22pm] saying things like that can get a girl confused post comment

[27 Feb 2006|09:57am] as much as things have been going good with the boyfriend and i.. sometimes i doubt him alot. i know not the best thing in the world. i care about him dearly, and i don't know what i would do without him right now but, i re-think and re-think our relationship over so many times. i sometimes just feel like he's not the one i'm suppose to be with or something. augh i don't know, it's probably just the fact that every one of my other relationships have been f-ed up, so now that i have something good, i over think it and think that its really bad. i don't know what to do, my mind is so untrusting. but other than that... spain was fucking amazing! augh i had so many good times, cause we are a good time. haha.ugh so much shopping and so many good historical monuments that we saw. loved it. haha, my mom came home and picked me up from the airport and all the other girls, and i started speaking spainish to her, haha she laughed and told me that i can now speak english. ugh, its good to be home and all that stuff..but i miss spain, the culture, the shopping!!, and just the fact that i'm away. oh well, hopefully i can go back there some time next year, we'll seeeeeee. adios mis amigos. 2 comments|post comment

[20 Feb 2006|03:56pm] spain is amazing so far. i do miss some folks - the bf, kristine, james, KYLE!, and all the others. i´ll be home soon enough though. i hope all is well wherever. kyleeeeeeeeeee! <3 hahahah 1 comment|post comment

[06 Feb 2006|07:17pm] haha i had to delete the last like three entries cause yeah i did. i know that there's one person on here that knows why. but y eah thats why it looks like i haven't written in here for a really long time. but other than that. screw sluts. 2 comments|post comment

[04 Feb 2006|10:51pm] but we dream too much and who needs a crutch pull off the bandage theres no wound so please just leave, you dont mean that much to me your sore thumb, your best defense is miles from home oh and it reads like a letter, with the words all broken erased them with a razorblade post comment

[16 Jan 2006|04:24pm] i need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the wave. fall around me now, like stars that shine and brighten the way. i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain. post comment

[20 Nov 2005|06:45pm] if i can't learn to make myself feel better, how can i expect anyone else to give a shit ? post comment

[10 Nov 2005|10:07pm] fuck you wisdom teeth. this whole shit hurts like a mother fucker. AHHHHHHHHHHH. anyone got ideas of how to keep the pain down 3 comments|post comment

[01 Nov 2005|10:02pm] uh. so i'm not liking this new lay out. post comment

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